11. Feb, 2016

Australian Burlesque

Now that the mewling and puking over the Australia Days Awards are over and that our darling “call me Cate” has his knickers untwisted, it is time for calm, objective and reflective comment – what a crock of cockroach crap the Awards really are!

For fun I looked over the military gongs shovelled out to servicemen and women and, for your delectation, allow me to comment on just a few of them.

One Rear Admiral was awarded an AM “For exceptional service in the field of helicopter acquisition and sustainment in the Australian Defence Force.” A gong for doing his job?

Another won an AM “For exceptional performance as the Head Future Submarine Program, the Director General Submarine Capability and the Director Submarine and Specialist Ship.” Given the state of our submarine fleet I would have thought the sack would be an appropriate award.

And sticking with the Navy, a Commodore was awarded an AM “For distinguished service as Director General Workforce Planning Branch, Defence People Group, and as Director Workforce Modelling Forecasting and Analysis, Defence People Strategy and Policy Group.” Being stuck with a moniker so unintelligible he is obviously a well-deserving recipient.

But moving on now to the lesser military mortals we find some crackers.

A lady Warrant Officer was awarded an OAM “For meritorious performance of duty as the Naval Police Coxswain …… during the period 2009 to 2014.” Ergo – awarding a copper for doing her job.

One Chief Petty Officer was awarded the CSC [Conspicuous Service Cross] “For outstanding achievement in the Australian Defence Force Counter Improvised Device Task Force.” Good one Boris!

A naval Captain in charge of personnel was tossed a CSC “For outstanding achievement in the performance of duty as the Director of the Navy People Career Management Agency.” Otherwise, like a squillion of other personnel managers in the world earning a quid, he did his job. 

Moving along to the Air Force, an Air Commodore who: “provided distinguished performance of duty as the Deputy Commander in a diverse, widely dispersed Joint Task Force”: won a Commendation for Distinguished Service. As a Deputy Commander at the exalted rank of Air Commodore, one would expect nothing less as part of his duty.

And on the subject of Air Commodores, a little bird let it be known to me recently that the Air Force currently boasts some 23 air commodores. 23 @# Air Commodores for the love of Good Henry! We’ve hardly enough planes for each of them.

But returning to the Honours List, one lady Flight Lieutenant was awarded the CDS “For meritorious achievement during Operation OKRA.” Her female colleague who “demonstrated meritorious leadership and exceptional diligence in a dynamic operational environment during Operation OKRA” was likewise awarded.

But I have saved the best for last – an absolute classic. One benighted Warrant Officer was awarded the OAM “For meritorious service as a Maritime Logistics Personnel Sailor in the field of personnel services and as the founder of the Defence Gay and Lesbian Information Service.”

Let me stress this point for those who are falling asleep - this rod-walloping sad-sack was awarded an Australian Honour for promoting homosexuality in the defence forces. Whoopy doo!! “Young man, there's no need to feel down … Young man, there's a place you can go” Yeah – Go Army Man!! Come on down you Village People.

I have chosen only a fraction from the legion of military recipients. And there are some corkers amongst them. Now if you don’t believe me – and if you’re right-minded you won’t - I do urge you to check it out yourself. Go to
https://www.gg.gov.au/australia-day-2016-honours-lists - Scroll down to the Military Division and Orders and feast your eyes on the banquet of inanities contained therein.

Having said thus – in the civil lists there are many well-deserving individuals, scientists, physicians, philanthropists and decent Christian folk who richly deserve some public recognition. But, in my view, rewarding servicemen, policemen and so forth who are being paid handsomely to do their job is just arrant nonsense and makes a mockery of the Honours system.

By the way – why do we have an Honours List? I was under the impression that the bestowal of such Honours was an archaic relic of British colonialism; anachronistic elitism and a perpetuation of bangles for the boys out of keeping with Australia’s egalitarian ethos. 

No. Did I get that wrong? Silly me!

In that case anyone who agrees with my opening comments is more than welcome to nominate Mordechai Brown for next year’s Honours List – Mordechai Brown OAM : For services defying credulity. Has a nice ring to it I feel.  

Thus may the undeserving trinket and bauble hang beside my Universal Life Church ordination; my Order of Old Bastards certificate; my Back Seat Drivers Licence and my OBA [Order of the Bear’s Arse].

God Help Australia and save her from progressive morons.

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